Let it be

Do you ever have a thought or worry that just keeps coming back? Like, won’t leave you alone, and you wouldn’t even bother meditating because the thought feels too overpowering? How could you ever let it go long enough to really meditate?

Great news, you don’t have to let it go!

I think what gets so many of us tripped up in meditation is the idea that we need to let it go in order to be a successful meditator. I know from plenty of experience on and off the cushion that letting something go doesn’t work when that something doesn’t want to go. And to be “successful” at meditation we don’t need to clear our minds or let thoughts go - especially if they want to stick around!

So I wanted to share with you a one word switch that shifted my perspective and has given me so much more peace of mind and heart. What if instead of working to let go of thoughts or emotions during meditation we just decided to let them be?

In theory, letting go should be this effortless release. “Ahhh, I’ve let go of all of my stressful thoughts and I’m floating on a cloud of bliss ,”- said no stressed out person ever. Oftentimes when we have a thought or emotion that we’re struggling with, be it a worry or judgment, letting go of it ends up being a lot of work and fodder for more self-condemnation. It’s like when you’re trying to get rid of a little piece of tape that’s stuck to your finger, and each time you get it off of one finger it just sticks to the one next to it.

But when we change the directive from letting GO to letting BE all of a sudden there is way less work and frustration involved. Now, instead of unsuccessfully picking at that super sticky tape or replaying that regretful comment, we’re merely asked to notice what that tape or regret feels like, and how the body feels reacting to their presence.

Chances are, this may be a little uncomfortable. After all, that’s probably why we’re trying to let it go! But after we practice just being with whatever is here, just letting it be it’s terrifying, worrying, annoying, troublesome self, we can be empowered by our heart’s capacity to be with what is. As I’ve written here before, awareness has the capacity to hold anything and everything, scary or pleasing.

Often these thoughts or emotions aren’t easily let go because they’re asking for our kind attention - not our judgment or shame - but our loving attention. When we can just be with them instead of pushing them away, they often get the love they were craving and just sputter out, or the attention we give allows us to open up to a new insight about our behavior or patterns. Probably the hardest part about this practice of letting be though, is that if we approach a thought or emotion with the hope that our attention will cause it to sputter out or give us a new insight, we’re not actually just letting them BE. Instead, we’re approaching them with a conditional attention - if I pay attention to you, then will you go away?

Our job then is to really just LET. IT. BE.

Don’t worry about explaining the feeling to yourself. Don’t worry about wishing the feeling away.

We are only asked to be a loving witness to what is happening now, in this moment. It’s just like watching twigs pass by in a stream. Our job is to stay dry, watching them pass without diving in after them. We don’t need to know where they’re coming from or where they’re going. We don’t need to worry if they get caught up in a whirlpool in front of us. We just need to sit on the banks of the stream watching.

Our practice is all about our ability to rest in this moment - with whatever is here.

TV-mind

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about thinking. And it’s been easy to get carried away with it. I’ll start thinking about thoughts and what role they have in mindfulness practice and the next thing I know I’m thinking about planning a talk, then I’m drafting a blog, then I’m imagining how many likes it will get on Facebook, and then I start questioning my social media strategy. Strategy? That sounds like I’m going to war. Hmm. That video I just watched of John Lennon and Yoko Ono was touching, the two of them were all about peace. Peace is good. If only all of these thoughts would stop so I’d have some peace…

I think you get the picture.

When many people first hear of mindfulness I think they might get the idea that it’s all about clearing the mind of thoughts to get some peace, or that we’re supposed to be thinking only about the present moment.

With some types of thinking this view of mindfulness is accurate. The mind likes to keep busy, drumming up memories and hopes, imagining scenarios and playing them out over and over. A surprising amount of our thinking is like white noise, a dull hum in the background that can be both comforting and annoying. Left unattended to, this white noise starts to crank up the volume. It reminds me of having a few TVs on in the background, each with different home-shopping or infomercials playing. Sure, we could grab the remote and switch them off, but that necklace looks interesting, and can you believe how much that towel can absorb?! It’s easy to get sucked into these TV programs even if we’re not really interested in the products they offer. With this type of thinking our mindfulness practice helps us to identify the thoughts and then let them go. Once we notice that the TV is on, we can grab the remote and turn it off. The mind wandering that happened when I started thinking about thinking is a good example of this TV white noise.

But mindfulness is not solely about turning off our thinking. In fact, if we spent all of our time turning thoughts off I think we’d miss out on the transformational magic that mindfulness can have on our experience. Mindfulness is about meeting our experience and experiencing it fully, without adding the story of why or why not the experience is ok.

It is about transforming the relationship we have with thinking, moving it from one of clinging and aversion to one of wonder, inquisitiveness and discovery.

Our challenge then is to meet our thoughts and get to know them, especially the thoughts that seem to be emotionally charged or filled with self-judgment. Why do some keep calling over and over? What story am I perpetuating about myself with these thoughts? How does my body feel when I think that thought?

As we continue practicing mindfulness, we begin to see different patterns in our thinking. We can more easily detect when the TV is blaring white noise as opposed to when it is playing a breakthrough documentary about our inner workings. As our discernment develops we are less easily carried away by cascading thoughts. And not only that, but we don’t get so easily tricked into believing that everything we think is the truth. What we see on the TV of our mind is just like what we see on TV--images in a box. They're just energetic patterns flitting around our brains, light projected on a screen. Sometimes they can be informative and useful, but a lot of the time they're just white noise.

Mindfulness practice helps us choose what channel to watch, or if we want to watch TV at all. And when we choose to watch the TV of our minds, mindfulness practice helps us to remember the adage: don't believe everything you see on TV.

6 Tips to Help Jumpstart Your Meditation Practice

I first came to meditation out of desperation. As a sophomore in college, I had been struggling with a challenging course and was filled with anxiety and having minor freak-outs ahead of each class session. I remember feeling like I had to do something to take care of myself or I wouldn’t make it through the semester.

So every Wednesday morning before that class, once my roommate had left our dorm, I would sit my college-issued desk chair in the middle of our common space, close my eyes, and take a few minutes to breathe.

The result: I was calmer and less nervous about the class. I think I may have even gotten an A. When the semester ended, I wasn’t so committed to meditating each day, and my pittance of a practice fell by the wayside.

It wasn’t until the following summer when I attended a couple of residential meditation retreats that I decided I wanted to make meditation a more consistent part of my daily routine. In the decade since then I’ve gone through spells of time when I’ve been less than consistent in my daily practice. But on the whole, since I first made that commitment during my retreat, I’ve kept at it. Along the way, a few suggestions have bolstered my practice and kept me coming back (to the breath).

If you’re considering starting a meditation practice here are a few things that will support you.

1.     Make a commitment, set your intention, and make it do-able. First thing’s first, you have to decide you want to do this, and it will help if you’re reasonable in your expectations. Don’t start your meditation practice by forcing yourself to sit for at least three hours a day, each day. Chances are, you’ll get sick of it and will quit before you even see the magic that meditation can work on your life. Set yourself up with a goal you’ll be able to keep. It could be as small as five minutes for five days a week a day at first.

2.     Create a space where you can practice. These days I have my own altar and meditation area; but when I started out, it was the middle of the dorm room, the top bunk, and eventually a corner in my bedroom. Find somewhere conducive to taking a few minutes alone that you can reserve for just this practice (so not near a TV or where people gather in the house to chat).

Photo By: Gregory Crespo

You don't need an altar like this! A dedicated space in your room would work. :-)

3.     Set a consistent time to meditate each day. I like to meditate first thing in the morning before my head gets filled up with the day. Maybe it’s easier for you to set aside a few minutes of your lunch hour each day. Or perhaps bedtime will work better for you. Put it into your calendar like any other appointment, and I bet you’ll soon appreciate the value of having an appointment with yourself.

4.     Find a community to support you in this effort. It can be challenging to stick to your commitment when you’re alone in it. When I first committed to meditation practice, I was lucky enough to find a sitting group that met twice a week on my college campus. These days, I meditate with friends online once a week, and have a group I meet with in person once a month. Having even just one other person to be accountable to, to share your experiences with, and support you in this endeavor will make a huge difference in helping you keep your intentions.

5.     Be gentle with yourself and stick with it! While somewhat simple and seemingly easy, meditating, and sticking to a commitment to meditate each day, can be very challenging. You’ve been wiring your brain a certain way for your whole life, so it’s not surprising that the rewiring that comes with consistent meditation practice may not happen overnight. It can sometimes be discouraging when it feels like meditating is nothing more than glorified worrying or list-making with your eyes closed. But do not fret! The simple act of setting your intention and following through each day is enough. Being kind to yourself during your meditations and about your meditation practice is imperative for it to have a chance to take root and eventually blossom.

6.     Lastly, remember, you can do this!

You CAN do this! And if you’d like, I can help!

You're invited to join me during the month of October when I’ll be posting 15-minute guided meditations online each day. You can sit with me!

If you’ve never meditated before, or perhaps you’ve dabbled but not yet committed to a daily practice, or perhaps you just want to see me each day, then now is your opportunity! In addition to providing you the basics of mindfulness meditation, those of us sitting together each day can support each other as a community (see #4!), plus I’ll be kind to you (see #5) and will cheer you on the whole time (see #6). As an added bonus, you can reach out to me with any questions or concerns you're having with your practice. I'm here to help!

Set your intention (see #1) and sign up to “Sit With Me in October.” I’ll send you all the information you’ll need to jumpstart your own mindfulness practice.

Woohoo!