Let it be

Do you ever have a thought or worry that just keeps coming back? Like, won’t leave you alone, and you wouldn’t even bother meditating because the thought feels too overpowering? How could you ever let it go long enough to really meditate?

Great news, you don’t have to let it go!

I think what gets so many of us tripped up in meditation is the idea that we need to let it go in order to be a successful meditator. I know from plenty of experience on and off the cushion that letting something go doesn’t work when that something doesn’t want to go. And to be “successful” at meditation we don’t need to clear our minds or let thoughts go - especially if they want to stick around!

So I wanted to share with you a one word switch that shifted my perspective and has given me so much more peace of mind and heart. What if instead of working to let go of thoughts or emotions during meditation we just decided to let them be?

In theory, letting go should be this effortless release. “Ahhh, I’ve let go of all of my stressful thoughts and I’m floating on a cloud of bliss ,”- said no stressed out person ever. Oftentimes when we have a thought or emotion that we’re struggling with, be it a worry or judgment, letting go of it ends up being a lot of work and fodder for more self-condemnation. It’s like when you’re trying to get rid of a little piece of tape that’s stuck to your finger, and each time you get it off of one finger it just sticks to the one next to it.

But when we change the directive from letting GO to letting BE all of a sudden there is way less work and frustration involved. Now, instead of unsuccessfully picking at that super sticky tape or replaying that regretful comment, we’re merely asked to notice what that tape or regret feels like, and how the body feels reacting to their presence.

Chances are, this may be a little uncomfortable. After all, that’s probably why we’re trying to let it go! But after we practice just being with whatever is here, just letting it be it’s terrifying, worrying, annoying, troublesome self, we can be empowered by our heart’s capacity to be with what is. As I’ve written here before, awareness has the capacity to hold anything and everything, scary or pleasing.

Often these thoughts or emotions aren’t easily let go because they’re asking for our kind attention - not our judgment or shame - but our loving attention. When we can just be with them instead of pushing them away, they often get the love they were craving and just sputter out, or the attention we give allows us to open up to a new insight about our behavior or patterns. Probably the hardest part about this practice of letting be though, is that if we approach a thought or emotion with the hope that our attention will cause it to sputter out or give us a new insight, we’re not actually just letting them BE. Instead, we’re approaching them with a conditional attention - if I pay attention to you, then will you go away?

Our job then is to really just LET. IT. BE.

Don’t worry about explaining the feeling to yourself. Don’t worry about wishing the feeling away.

We are only asked to be a loving witness to what is happening now, in this moment. It’s just like watching twigs pass by in a stream. Our job is to stay dry, watching them pass without diving in after them. We don’t need to know where they’re coming from or where they’re going. We don’t need to worry if they get caught up in a whirlpool in front of us. We just need to sit on the banks of the stream watching.

Our practice is all about our ability to rest in this moment - with whatever is here.

TV-mind

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about thinking. And it’s been easy to get carried away with it. I’ll start thinking about thoughts and what role they have in mindfulness practice and the next thing I know I’m thinking about planning a talk, then I’m drafting a blog, then I’m imagining how many likes it will get on Facebook, and then I start questioning my social media strategy. Strategy? That sounds like I’m going to war. Hmm. That video I just watched of John Lennon and Yoko Ono was touching, the two of them were all about peace. Peace is good. If only all of these thoughts would stop so I’d have some peace…

I think you get the picture.

When many people first hear of mindfulness I think they might get the idea that it’s all about clearing the mind of thoughts to get some peace, or that we’re supposed to be thinking only about the present moment.

With some types of thinking this view of mindfulness is accurate. The mind likes to keep busy, drumming up memories and hopes, imagining scenarios and playing them out over and over. A surprising amount of our thinking is like white noise, a dull hum in the background that can be both comforting and annoying. Left unattended to, this white noise starts to crank up the volume. It reminds me of having a few TVs on in the background, each with different home-shopping or infomercials playing. Sure, we could grab the remote and switch them off, but that necklace looks interesting, and can you believe how much that towel can absorb?! It’s easy to get sucked into these TV programs even if we’re not really interested in the products they offer. With this type of thinking our mindfulness practice helps us to identify the thoughts and then let them go. Once we notice that the TV is on, we can grab the remote and turn it off. The mind wandering that happened when I started thinking about thinking is a good example of this TV white noise.

But mindfulness is not solely about turning off our thinking. In fact, if we spent all of our time turning thoughts off I think we’d miss out on the transformational magic that mindfulness can have on our experience. Mindfulness is about meeting our experience and experiencing it fully, without adding the story of why or why not the experience is ok.

It is about transforming the relationship we have with thinking, moving it from one of clinging and aversion to one of wonder, inquisitiveness and discovery.

Our challenge then is to meet our thoughts and get to know them, especially the thoughts that seem to be emotionally charged or filled with self-judgment. Why do some keep calling over and over? What story am I perpetuating about myself with these thoughts? How does my body feel when I think that thought?

As we continue practicing mindfulness, we begin to see different patterns in our thinking. We can more easily detect when the TV is blaring white noise as opposed to when it is playing a breakthrough documentary about our inner workings. As our discernment develops we are less easily carried away by cascading thoughts. And not only that, but we don’t get so easily tricked into believing that everything we think is the truth. What we see on the TV of our mind is just like what we see on TV--images in a box. They're just energetic patterns flitting around our brains, light projected on a screen. Sometimes they can be informative and useful, but a lot of the time they're just white noise.

Mindfulness practice helps us choose what channel to watch, or if we want to watch TV at all. And when we choose to watch the TV of our minds, mindfulness practice helps us to remember the adage: don't believe everything you see on TV.