:D Sympathetic Joy :D

A couple of weeks ago I got to work at my son’s preschool for the morning. It was such a different experience than his first weeks there when all 15 kids were still figuring out who they were on their own at school. Instead of a steady stream of shirt tugs for my attention, this particular morning was full of creative play, teamwork, singing, and lots of giggles. At story time I had to stop and take a mental picture (ok, I snapped some real ones too) because the ease and joy that the kids exuded was palpable. Everyone seemed so secure, happy, and relaxed together. And even though I am not an everyday member of their group, that joy was as much for me as it was for them.

That’s the great thing about happiness and joy — it doesn’t have to be our’s for us to revel and rejoice in it. In fact, sometimes, I find that this type of sympathetic joy, when not tinged with my jealousy, is as powerful and uplifting as if I’d been experiencing the object of joy firsthand. This type of joy is why you can’t help but smile at the cooing baby in the store and why giggles are contagious. :)

As communal creatures, our ability to empathize with one another, through highs and lows is what forms our sense of connection. It’s what makes us successful and strong as communities instead of fractured and failing. It’s why it feels good to give a “like” or thumbs up on social media and why it feels good to receive them too! We’re in this together and reminding ourselves of this, be it through social media or through a shared grin at the grocery store, is a way that we can build emotional resilience.

So often our news media (and our own brains) drive our attention towards negative stories of death and destruction. And while it’s important to be informed about our world, I’d argue that what we see in the news and media is not a true reflection of reality. Rather, it’s what gets our attention and sells advertising. But the truth is, none of us would be here without the cooperation and help of those around us. So what happens when we opt to turn our attention to the abundance of all the big and little joys around us?

I’ve never been very good at board games because I’m not so competitive and will usually end up cheering for everyone at the table — sometimes much to the winner’s chagrin! What a great discovery to learn that there are now cooperative board games in which everyone is working together to succeed! I find this to be such a better reflection of how the world actually works. We are in this together and it is not a zero sum game. If you win, so do I, and vice versa.

When I remember to cheer on my friends (and foes!) it means I have more chances each day for a dose of happiness. It’s easy for me to forget this and get caught up in the belief that somehow their happiness means less is available for me. But when I take the time to sit with these judgments I can see that it’s just my fear worrying that there isn’t enough to go around, or that for whatever reason, I’m not worthy of happiness. When I continue to sit with this discomfort, instead of being a cause for frustration or jealousy, the happiness of others can serve as a reminder to me that I too can be happy. It’s only thoughts that make me think something isn’t possible, we never know the future and our judging mind just thinks it does, closing doors and opportunities with each fearful proclamation that there isn’t enough happiness to go around.

Instead of being a cause for jealousy the happiness of others can be a cause for inspiration and joy.

Why not take a break from all of that judging and instead rest in the joy of our friends and those around us. The Dalai Lama is often quoted for his comments on the importance of practicing this shared joy. As he puts it, if we can be happy at the good fortune of others, our opportunities for happiness increase by 7 billion!

You can try with the practices in this guided meditation, or just by sharing a smile with the next person you see. You don’t have to sit in at a preschool or hang out with a four year old - though if you know a toddler, it may help. ;-)

May your happiness increase further and further. <3