Gratitude

As we continue to stay here, suspended in the jelly of uncertainty, unsure of when our lives can start back up again, when we’ll be able to hug our friends and family again, what things will look like when we can peek our heads outside, it’s easy for me to become overwhelmed with the enormity of it all. Things won’t look the same as they did just last month and it feels like we’re collectively faced with an impossible choice, deciding how much and what kind of human suffering we can stomach — our loved ones getting sick, overwhelming hospital systems, and eventually dying, or our loved ones going hungry, overwhelmed by mounting debt and unpaid bills, also eventually dying. There is no easy answer, but the suffering we’re feeling as a global society as we face this together, apart, is revealing some important lessons for those willing to listen.

At the same time that we’re facing this vast uncertainty and the often fearful reality of our fragile existence, we’re also seeing so many beautiful expressions of joy, compassion, and community. The very act of social distancing is one of love, supporting the health of countless nameless faces we’ll never meet. We’re finding joy in the silly little parts of the day we would have otherwise missed, like when my son asks my husband to take a break from the dishes for “a little tickle” (that’s actually happening right now as I type). :) And we’re seeing firsthand how interconnected we are as a human family. Just as a virus can spread easily among us, ignoring borders and class, so too can this renewed sense of love, compassion and joy. We can band together to offer food to those who are hungry, recognize the social inequality that is exacerbating this crisis for so many, and work hard today to prepare ourselves to create a better, more loving, more inclusive future for all of us.

And if all of that feels like too much right now, we can practice gratitude.

Gratitude has been a major source of stability for me during these seemingly endless stay at home days, and well before this crisis. As this lockdown began I wasn’t really remembering this essential tool, and it was easy to only see the negative side of things. But after the first week or so, I remembered how transformative purposefully orienting my thinking to gratitude is for me. So I reached out to a friend to see if she’d be my gratitude buddy. She agreed, and since then, I’ve been lucky enough to have a dear friend to share my gratitude with each day.

Each night before bed we text each other a couple sentences about one thing in the day we feel grateful for. Some days the gratitude flows easily and I have to choose among a handful of lovely memories from my day. Other days the exercise really does feel like exercise, as I search my memories of the day for even one thing to share. Often on those days when I’m feeling at my lowest, the very act of reviewing my day to share a moment of gratitude gives me a few minutes of respite from the negative thinking I’d not even realized was there. The added bonus of this exercise for me is that I also get to hear what my friend is grateful for, which brings a smile to my face as well. It’s a positive feedback loop that has been sustaining me for the last six weeks.

Even if you don’t have a gratitude buddy with whom to share your daily highlights, you can still make it a point to stop and recognize the various reasons for gratitude each day, either by pausing to acknowledge things you’re grateful for as they happen, soaking in the sensation of gratitude, or taking a few minutes at the end of the night to reflect and journal about the parts of your day for which you’re grateful.

Death’s shadow is always looming over our existence here on earth, and expressing  gratitude for this human life is an excellent way to honor our present vitality while also recognizing this inexorable condition of life. What is there to fear in death if we can practice living each day fully aware of the gift it is to be alive? Since this all began, and we have been continually reminded of the preciousness of each day, my husband and I have shared a moment of gratitude each morning when we wake up -- we’re here, we’re breathing. 

This isn’t to say that gratitude is a cure all, and that if we practice gratitude all of our struggles and suffering will disappear with a snap. But working to continually shift our perspective to orient toward gratitude does help us to stop being victims of our own lives and circumstances. Instead of experiencing these disastrous and scary moments of life as reason to cower in a “poor me, poor us” mindset, (which speaking from personal experience, is an easy place to go these days!), we can instead see these waves of challenge and suffering as an opportunity for our souls to grow and mature, an opportunity for us to learn how to live fully, an opportunity for us to let down our constant resistance to life and live fearlessly, fully trusting our heart’s capacity for love. 

Gratitude’s magic lies in its ability to get us to drop our resistance in exchange for an embrace. 

It seems like all of my musings here end up in a similar place -- one of allowing our awareness to aid us in giving up the constant fight against what is, to embracing it all instead. Even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard, our awareness and mindfulness practice teaches us how to be with it, loving (not necessarily liking!) each moment for the gift that it truly is -- another moment to wake up to the reality that we are surrounded by love, swimming in it really. 

I have a choice. I can spend my energy and focus fearing and dreading the suffering that is coming out of this moment in time. Or I can spend my energy and place my awareness on expanding the love and compassion coming out of this moment in time, even if it starts with just being grateful for the breath I’m breathing right now. 

Even when I spend my energy and focus on the fearful dreading side of things gratitude and awareness can still lift me up to my best self. The more I practice, the more I see and can remember that it was during all of the “worst” times in my life when I’ve experienced the most growth. Keeping this in mind makes it easier to trust in the moment and the love that holds us all. From this trust I’m better equipped to see moments to be grateful for on even my worst days.

We’ve got just this one life, these few years to walk this earth. What better way to spend this time than experiencing gratitude as witness to all of the little miracles that make up each day? One of my teachers would end each evening on retreat with the reminder to really pay attention as we tucked ourselves into bed at night. That juicy feeling of laying down, getting under the covers and coming to rest - “don’t miss it!” he would say. Echoing his sentiments, I encourage you to find the juicy moments in your day today, savor the beauty surrounding you and the love holding you. Don’t miss it!