Remember

I’ve been longing to come back to this place for some time now. There have been glimpses, moments, days, weeks even when I felt like I’d returned. Truth is, I’d never left.

The beauty of mindfulness for me is the remembering that this presence, this stillness, this awareness is ALWAYS here to offer us refuge, peace, and spaciousness. It’s up to us to remember, but with practice moments of remembering turn into hours, hours turn into days, and eventually all of our time on the cushion accumulates into a deep knowing. We can trust in this, in our capacity to return home even in the worst of times.

This remembering saved me countless times during my dark days of sleepless, early motherhood. Was it the solution to all of my problems - no - but it did offer me the gasp of air that kept me going until I could reach a bit more self-love, sleep, and perspective.

So much of my early struggles and suffering as a new mother were based in the misguided belief that I’d somehow lost my chances of ever coming back to this home. As if I’d traded my years of silent contemplation for a squawking baby who never slept. But in reality, I’d never left it. I’d merely forgotten my own address in the haze of dirty diapers and sleep deprivation.

The refuge that mindfulness practice offers us cannot disappear, cannot be tarnished by our pain or anxiety, cannot be damaged by our negligence. Each breath we take can serve as a reminder, as a way home to our true nature.

We are merely asked to remember.

Remember that it is here, offering us peace, refuge and comfort. Remember that it is here without judging us for our thoughts or worries. Remember that it is here, free for the taking.

Ultimately, it is up to us to remember to come home. But to my great relief, and maybe to your’s as well, home is always here, waiting patiently for us to remember to take that first breath, that first step across the threshold.